The Truth About Words of Life

Have you ever been verbally abused? Maybe it wasn't the absolutely nasty kind with all those colorful words, but maybe it was the not-so-evident kind, the kind of verbal abuse that people might not even consider verbal abuse.

When a friend mocks the way you speak.

When a brother criticizes a piece of art you have worked so hard on.

When your mom gets on to you about the horrible job you did making dinner.

When your dad doesn't appreciate the work you put into fixing something for him.

When your sister smirks at a poem you wrote.

You were trying to do good things. They don't recognize the effort you put into all of it. They condemn you for the little mistakes.

And it hurts, probably more than it should. Your heart aches; your gut is heavy. Your throat even chokes...

It hurt, but you weren't yelled at.

It rips you up inside, but you weren't even struck.

Now imagine this:
Your sister is tied to a post. You have a whip in your hands and all the power to strike her. What are you going to do?

Well, you're not going to whip her are you?

NO WAY!

You love her. You would never hurt her!

Would you?

Now you are back at your house. She walks in your room while you are enjoying a fantastic book.

 (Ugh! How irksome! I hate it when people interrupt a good read!)

She says, "I just bought a new game for the X-box! Lego Batman! Your favorite! Let's go play!"

You are vexed. So you say, "What are you doing? You didn't even knock on my door! YOU KNOW THE RULES ABOUT KNOCKING ON DOORS, you little pest. Get out! It's not my favorite. You're just being selfish because it's your favorite and you want someone to play it with you to get you through all the hard parts-don't tell me I'm wrong, I know exactly what you're thinking!"

She leaves quietly and you can get back to your precious book.

But, what were you thinking??

Your favorite game really is Lego Batman, no matter how much you deny it, and your sister knows it too. She wanted to give to you, but you threw it back in her face.

Do you remember how you felt after your friend mocked the way you spoke; after your brother criticized your art; after your mom got on to you; and after your dad undervalued the work you did?

Do you remember when you could have whipped your sister, but didn't?

Did you know that you just did?

No, you didn't actually lay a finger on her, but by slandering her the way you did, you might as well have whipped her skin instead of beating her ego.

It hurts on the inside sometimes way more than it does on the outside. Trust me, I know.

So what do we do?

Do you remember when I was talking about words of life? For starters, in a situation like the one I just described, you could speak kindly:

"Darling sister, you are the sweetest peach that ever walked the face of this planet. Thank you oobers for buying me my favorite game. Will you please play it with me this evening instead of now, for you see I am reading a wonderful book-not that this book is better than you, believe me, sister, it isn't! I just want to spare you the ill mood I shall surely be in if I am parted from the events of Ivanhoe and Rowena. I must ensure that she is safely rescued, before I even dream of commencing to rescue Gotham City. You do understand don't you? It is for your own good! I look forward to our missions as Batman and Robin, but first I must be intertwined in the missions of Ivanhoe and Locksley. Good sister, you are wonderful. Goodby now."

Don't you see how much better of a statement this is? It accomplishes everything! 1.) You complimented and thanked your sister numerous times. 2.) You got to read the rest of your book. and 3.) You get to play Lego Batman later!! A fantastic remedy to the previous speech in which you hurt your beautiful sister and probably would have gotten grounded, thus being unable to play Batman or finish your book!

Please understand this as I am trying to. I have found so much that I am totally unaware of other people's feelings as I live from day to day. I grumble and complain often, which is a sure damper on other people's chipper days. I mock, which is absolutely insulting. I tease-which can also be lying, it is a horrible thing. I dishonor my parents, sometimes without even realizing I am doing it. It is a constant circle of insults and apologies of which I am tiring.

I'm doing my best to compliment in place of mocking; having a cheery disposition instead of grumbling; and gratify instead of tease. Oh, but it is so hard!